“‘What’s wrong?’ I yelled. ‘We can’t stop here. This is bat country!'”
– Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Look, I’m sorry. I know you’ve all come to treat this as our very own version of the Sunday morning tabloids. And I didn’t get to it this weekend. But life… uh, gets in the way. It is August now, though, so we are in the home stretch. I’ve been churning through about six rumors each edition; is that going to be enough to catch up on all the craziness Bat Country has in store for us before the transfer window slams shut?
Here we cover all those rumors on which we normally wouldn’t report. The fringe cases. The names that spring up from untold lands, off the beaten path. We’ll discuss mostly incomings and try and focus on names we haven’t already talked about elsewhere on the site. Each name will be accompanied by a Guano Meter: a ranking out of 5 that instead of rating how likely we think it is to happen, it instead is the complete opposite. For example, a Guano Meter of 5/5 would be something like… people understanding the UEFA rules around squad limits (maybe I’ll do a piece on that).
Check out some of the previous editions here, as well as Nathan Bartel’s excellent piece that was the genesis of this series here.
Baris Alper Yilmaz
- No, it’s not Burak Yilmaz, who was linked to Spurs for years; it’s another Turkish forward who is also called B Yilmaz
- This Yilmaz spends more of his time on the wing than up front for Galatasaray, and is pretty young at 23
- He had a bit of a breakout season in 23/24, scoring 6 and assisting 6 as Galatasaray secured the Super Lig title
- Look, Spurs probably need a dribbly, right-sided player; unfortunately, there’s no stats on the Turkish league on fbref to verify if he could be that guy
- Watching some highlights packages though… it seems like he’s probably not that guy, instead looking more like an inside forward type to my eyes
- The original report on this one comes from Turkish outlet Milliyet back in May, saying Spurs were “very interested”, and well… the Turkish football media have a habit of just making things up
- More recently, a Turkish journalist, Ali Naci Kucuk claimed that Spurs and Manchester United were going to make offers in the coming days. Guess that didn’t happen?
Guano Meter: 5/5 – Just when you thought you couldn’t get worse than The Sun, the Turkish media volunteer as tribute.
Jarrod Bowen
- This is a more familiar name. Bowen is an England national team winger, currently at West Ham where he actually spent a fair bit of time up front
- The shift further forward paid dividends for Bowen as well, with the Englishman scoring 16 and assisting 6 in 34 appearances
- He doesn’t really seem to fit what we’re after on the wing… but could be a good versatile option?
- He’s not bad in the press, either
- This one seems pretty difficult; he signed a new deal only late last year to 2030, and he’s almost 28 – it’d be a huge overpay
- This one comes from Graeme Bailey, who isn’t terrible but has a mixed record
- Apparently Spurs made a “formal enquiry”, whatever that means, and were told Bowen wasn’t for sale, which… duh
Guano Meter: 4/5 – I guess at least the interest might be real in this case, but it’s absolutely not happening.
Francisco Conceicao
- And it’s a hat trick of right wingers, with the young Portuguese star rounding out the trio
- He plies his trade at Porto, where he scored 5 and assisted 4 in 21 starts; not too bad for a dude who was barely 21 at the time
- Conceicao is probably the best fit of the three though, being solidly a dribbly boi: his progressive carry and take-on numbers are excellent
- He had a good Euros tournament as well (oh no, one of those!), looking bright for Portugal
- Hey, it’s another one from Graeme Bailey! Again, not much information beyond Spurs having an interest
- It’ll be tough to do much with that interest though; Conceicao was actually on loan to Porto last season from his parent club Ajax, a deal which Porto just made permanent
- That doesn’t mean Spurs CAN’T still buy Conceicao; but it makes the likelihood extremely low
Guano Meter: 4/5 – Porto are absolutely not going to even consider selling Conceicao unless Spurs come in HOT.
Exequiel Palacios
- Moving on to midfield now: Palacios was a key cog in Bayer Leverkusen’s Bundesliga title campaign
- He operated in a deeper role alongside Granit Xhaka, and was tasked with covering a huge amount of ground in order to cover for his teammates
- He’s good on the ball as well though, with an eye for a pass and comfortable in possession
- You want some bars? I’ll give you some bars:
- Me likey
- Like Bowen, Palacios also renewed his contract last year (though his is only until 2028); and who would want to leave Leverkusen right now the way they’re going? Of course, money talks
- And this one is ITK, unfortunately. Still though, he’d be so damn good at the 6 in Angeball
Guano Meter: 5/5 – As much as I would love this, it’s not gonna happen.
Patrick Dorgu
- Looking to the defense now, we have Patrick Dorgu, who plays in Serie A for Lecce
- He’s a left back, albeit an attacking one; often also spending time on the wing or more attacking wide role
- Dorgu’s a bit of a physical specimen; he’s big for a fullback but quick as well, using a combination of pace and quick feet to go past opposition players
- That doesn’t mean he shirks his defensive responsibilities though; he loves to pressure the ball and put a foot in, so he could be an intriguing prospect as a backup to Destiny Udogie – and he’s only 19!
- Seriously though, 17 starts in Serie A at age 18/19 is quite impressive
- The links to Dorgu go back a while, but are mostly from Italian media who aren’t exactly the most reliable
- There aren’t any primary sources that have picked this one up yet, but there’s a bit of smoke and he is the sort of player we’d potentially be targeting for that left-hand side
Guano Meter: 3/5 – Maybe this is just wishcasting and I’m ranking this one too highly.
Marcus Vinnicius
- Wait, Spurs are signing Vinicius? Not that one? Oh, wait, Marcus Vinicius, the Roman consul? That can’t be right…
- Ah, it must be Marcus Vinicius, the 27-year-old Brazilian that comes up in the Google machine, playing in the Colombian league… hmmm, that seems like an odd player for Spurs to be linked to
- Turns out it’s none of the above, and instead it’s Marcus Vinnicius, a young, Brazilian left back at Palmeiras
- And he’s not even playing for the senior team! This is one out of left-field; he’s playing for the U17 side
- The dude doesn’t even have a Transfermarkt, fbref, or WhoScored page; heck, he doesn’t even have a profile on FotMob
- I’m not even going to bother trying to do a write-up on him – check out this vid instead for some classic YouTube highlights:
- I mean… he doesn’t look that exciting, but also I’m not a scout
- This one comes from Brazilian journalist Romulo Giacomin, who said that Spurs are apparently monitoring the youngster with a view to a transfer… in a couple of years
Guano Meter: 5/5 – For this summer, at least.
That’s it for this installment. This is the Final Countdown, but not Europe (thanks to Brexit). Welcome to Bat Country.
