Another week, another tough Tottenham Hotspur performance. The Anfield hoodoo continued, with Spurs dispatched by a dynamic Liverpool side. I was almost ready to turn the match off after the third Liverpool goal went in, and had moved on from rage to despair by the fourth. But there were bright signs early in the match, and after some changes Spurs struck back late. It wasn’t enough to secure three points, but at least there was some fun football played in there.
And speaking of fun, this is a theme I’ve been wanting to do for some time; I’d hoped to save it for a more positive performance, but damn – I don’t write these that often, and there was enough positive in that match that I figured I should just treat myself.
I am a HUGE David Bowie fan. I came to his music late, which saddens me in many ways that I missed out on experiencing his music at the peak of his powers; but I have since spent countless hours digging through his music, experiencing the experimental, the emotional, the eclectic, and the excellent. Bowie was an absolute genius, both as a musician and songwriter and as a pop culture figure, continually reinventing himself to remain relevant (and even transcend relevancy) across decades and even after his death.
There’s something for everyone in David Bowie’s discography, so let’s talk about it.
Here are your Tottenham Hotspur player ratings to the theme of David Bowie albums.
5 stars: Station to Station
Station to Station feels like a culmination of everything that came before and a prophecy of everything that was to come. It has funk, it has rock, it has ambient, it has electronica. Yet it never feels disconnected. Stay has an absolutely rocking riff, Wild is the Wind is a phenomenal cover and perfect closer, and the title track just builds and builds and sets the tone beautifully. Stunning. Bowie was on so many drugs he reportedly doesn’t even remember recording this album, which just drives home how insanely brilliant it was. Honorable Mentions: The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars, Low, Blackstar, Hunky Dory
No Tottenham Hotspur players were as good as recording an album on so much cocaine that you blank out the entire experience.
4 stars: “Heroes”
A fantastic album that takes on some of the more upbeat influences from Station to Station as well as the ambience of Low… but as a result ends up being a little less consistent than top-tier Bowie. Joe the Lion is a fun listen, and the title track is one of the all-time great songs. Honorable Mentions: Aladdin Sane, Scary Monsters (and Super Creeps)
Richarlison (Community – 4.0): Changed the match. Unfortunately wasn’t able to start as he was still making his way back from injury, but immediately provided a focal point for the attack. His goal was nicely finished, and he put it on a plate for the second. On another day he could have had a hat-trick; not bad for a 30 minute cameo! Maybe he should start up front for the rest of the season?
3.5 stars: Let’s Dance
Fun Bowie is good Bowie and if you disagree, well… you hate fun. Deserves this spot if not higher for Stevie Ray Vaughan’s China Girl solo alone, which lives rent-free in my head. Honorable Mentions: Heathen, Diamond Dogs
Oliver Skipp (Community – 3.5): Almost achieves this ranking via the sole attribute of being “not Emerson Royal”. But he did a good job in his own right, working hard, marshalling Mo Salah well, and with a really nice pass into Richarlison that set up Son’s goal. Skippy for left back, anyone?
3 stars: Earthling
David Bowie takes on industrial rock? Hell, yes. Honestly, it goes to the strength of Bowie’s discography that this is ranked so low, because I really like this album. I’m Afraid of Americans is one of my favorite Bowie tracks and there’s a number of other highlights like Seven Years in Tibet. Ending the album on the worst track is a slightly strange call though, and leaves the listener wondering what could have been. Honorable mentions: The Next Day, Young Americans
Guglielmo Vicario (Community – 3.0): Seems strange to give a goalkeeper a solid rating on a team that conceded four, but he honestly wasn’t at fault for any of the goals (though arguably could have done better on the first). He made 8(!) saves, some that were excellent, and was one of the reasons why the scoreline wasn’t much worse much earlier.
Cristian Romero (Community – 3.5): One of the other reasons why the score wasn’t much worse much earlier. He was outjumped for Liverpool’s third but was marking three people after a terrible turnover by a teammate, so hard to apportion too much blame. Made a number of key blocks and clearances, and was key to Spurs’ ability to get the ball out of their own end, with 70 passes. He misplaced a couple (otherwise he’d be higher) but we’d be really struggling without our vice-captain.
Yves Bissouma (Community – 2.5): One of his best matches in a while. Much more positive on the ball and looked to drive past players, which he did successfully on a number of occasions. Would be 3.5 stars, except for his aggravating tendency to lose players in and around the box, which resulted in Liverpool’s fourth goal.
Heung-Min Son (Community – 2.5): A 2-star first hour, followed by a 4-star last 30 minutes. Let’s take the average (I’m bad at math). Much better when shifted out to the left wing, actually beating players, and finishing well for his goal. The most exciting spell we’ve seen from him in a while; maybe he should stay on the left?
James Maddison (Community – 3.0): Another who looked much brighter in his brief cameo than he had in some time, which makes me wonder if the rest has done him good. Tricky on the ball around the box and we immediately looked more dangerous with him rather than Sarr in those attacking positions. Still a bit messy with his passing.
Giovani Lo Celso (Community – 3.0): Again, looked really good off the bench: moved the ball quickly and got stuck in. Arguably should be starting at this point. Who knows?
2.5 stars: The Man Who Sold the World
It’s a really consistent album with some great tracks that doesn’t quite hit the heights of what follows, but it feels like an important step in Bowie’s development as a songwriter and artist. Call it his launching pad (pun intended?). I liked this more on early listens, but nowadays it just doesn’t hold the same level of interest for me. Honorable Mentions: Hours, Lodger
Pedro Porro (Community – 2.5): I said last week Porro looks tired; that hasn’t changed. He’s struggled this week. Gave away the ball on a regular basis (69% pass success!) and struggled against Cody Gakpo. Grew into the match, but not one of his better games.
Micky van de Ven (Community – 3.0): Mickey was fine. Not really at fault for any of the goals, but he struggled to make an impact on the match like against Chelsea. A safe game, but we probably needed more from him playing out of the back. Liverpool targeted him in the air as well, often posting their forwards up against him as an easy outlet against the Spurs press.
Rodrigo Bentancur (Community – 2.5): I’m just not sure what the 23/24 edition of Bentancur offers to Ange-ball. A decent work-rate defensively, and he did okay on the dribble, but the Uruguayan REALLY struggled with his passing. His engine and movement are valuable… but he hasn’t really been able to keep that up as he continues to recover from his ACL. I’d be interested in seeing him get more time at the 6.
Brennan Johnson (Community – 2.5): Had a decent make-out session with a goalpost and a football boot. Another like Son who had an absolutely aggravating first hour and a nice half hour. Marked lower than Sonny, as while the Spurs captain was barely involved, the Welsh winger was a bit of a turnover machine. Came back well though after his shift to the right, with a nice assist; maybe he should stay on the right? (Hey, I’m sensing a bit of a theme here with some of these…)
2 stars: 1.Outside
I’ll probably get crucified for this by Bowie fans, but on this one he gets WEIRD, and not in a good way. There’s some good stuff on here, an interesting concept and a cool sound – the flow of which gets totally lost in the bizarre and self-indulgent segues which results in an overly long album. Cut the segues, trim a track or two, and cut a tinge of the weirdness and this easily goes top half. Honorable Mention: David Bowie (Space Oddity, 1969), Tonight
Pape Matar Sarr (Community – 2.5): Another rough match from Sarr, who was mostly tidy and worked hard but struggled with Liverpool’s press. Was expected to take on more of the creative burden with Maddison out, but Bissouma and Bentancur probably achieved this better. Had a few nervy moments on a yellow card.
Dejan Kulusevski (Community – 2.0): Like Bentancur, I’m not sure what the 23/24 version of Deki offers right now. It’s the inconsistency that’s maddening; he can look like a world beater one minute, and a headless chicken the next. Part of a front three that struggled to click in the first half, and unlike the other two, was subbed off before he could make amends. Unusually failed to really help out the right-side defense.
Ange Postecoglou (Community – 2.0): Waited too long to ch-ch-ch-ch-change the match after a pretty insipid first half, which was due partly to Ange starting players out of position and selecting a midfield with zero creativity. Seriously, what’s his beef with Gio? He can’t have expected Emerson Royal to totally fall apart, however, and his changes DID make a big impact.
1.01 stars: Reality
Part of Bowie’s mixed 90’s output, it almost definitely wins worst album art. The thing with this album is that it’s just mind-numbingly BORING, which is almost the worst sin a Bowie album could commit, taking all the lowest parts of the albums preceding and following it and shoves them into a bland little package. And I like art rock. Honorable Mentions: Pinups, Black Tie White Noise
Emerson Royal (Community – 1.5): Sheesh, you guys are generous. Royal was involved in all four goals; for Liverpool, that is. An absolute stinker of a match for the Brazilian, and not one he will want to immortalize in comp form. Given a torrid time by Mo Salah while being completely ineffective going forward, with a heated discussion with Romero at half-time the most exciting he looked all match. If we were going to break the bit, this would be the performance on which to do so, but…
1 star: Never Let Me Down
This album came right in the midst of Bowie’s worst creative period. The songs are bad, the production horribly dated, and the album goes nowhere. It was rerecorded semi-recently for a box set, but the removal of the dated production only serves to highlight how poor the songs are, most of which should have just been demos shoved in a drawer. Honorable Mention: David Bowie (self-titled, 1967)
No Tottenham Hotspur players let us down as badly as David Bowie’s 1987 album Never Let Me Down.
Erik Lamela Memorial Shithouse Award
Brennan Johnson — That sneaky Welshman had the audacity to headbutt an opposition player’s foot. The nerve! Brennan was lucky not to get sent off – the contact could’ve killed him (the Liverpool defender, that is).