Ah, the Premier League. The land where football’s soul went to die, and came back a walking zombie. Ethics and finances aside, there’s no doubt the league has some quality footballers, let’s try to explore the ones that stood out this year, shall we?
The Tom Starke Award: Best Goalkeeper
Well you’ve shaved your head, you’ve changed your name, but the eyes, the eyes, the eyes are the same.
There were a couple of strong contenders with Alphonse Areola exceeding expectations and André Onana recovering in fantastic fashion after a strenuous start to the season but Tottenham Hotspur’s new number one Guglielmo Vicario showed all of them up.
Vicario didn’t miss a minute in the league after only just signing, being a crucial part of Spurs’ insane form at the start of the season, bailing out a sometimes unfocused defense to keep the team at the top of the table. Injuries and inconsistency from the outfield may have caused Spurs’ Champions League push to end unsuccessfully, but Vicario never let up, continuing his world class performances throughout.
Oh, such a perfect comedown from such a perfect day.
The Dante Award: Best Defender
I was fighting tooth and nail, until you found me bleeding.
This season had quite a few impressive performances from the likes of William Saliba, Joško Gvardiol, Virgil van Dijk and Kieran Trippier, but the award must go to Everton’s James Tarkowski.
It might seem strange awarding it to a player from a team that finished fifteenth, but the reality is very different to what their table position showcases, as Everton were deducted points and lost four places because of it. Furthermore, Everton had the second-worst attack in the league, so what was their saving grace? The fourth-best defense in the league, that’s what. This was achieved, yes, by the team as a unit and mentions must go to Vitaliy Mykolenko and Jarrad Branthwaite for their amazing seasons, but most of this insane record is owed to the two men pictured above, Jordan Pickford and James Tarkowski, neither of whom missed a single minute in the league in their incredible effort to keep Everton afloat against the odds. In a league quickly evolving with more and more complex systems in possession in the hunt for the ultimate form of football, Tarkowski showed that there will always be a place for the traditional.
Here’s to the ghost of something to remember. You call it aging, I call it surrender.
The Xabi Alonso Award: Best Midfielder
Give me your hand, reach out. Give me your hand, reach out.
England has no shortage of midfielders of the highest calibre, with Bruno Guimarães and Martin Ødegaard being closest to the eventual winner, Arsenal’s Declan Rice.
Rice was always pointed to as one of the brightest prospects in English football, proving his quality for years on end at West Ham United. However, despite major successes and even a European trophy, it was clear that Rice’s qualities were better fitted to a team that loved to keep the ball rather than fight for it, despite Rice’s tenacity and readiness to battle for his team. After a rather drawn-out transfer saga, Rice was plucked by Arsenal who were ridiculed for paying a fee of £100 million for his services. However, Rice has proven that £100 million price tag to be more than worth it as just his presence has completely revolutionised the way Arsenal play. In the middle of all of Arsenal’s positional play, Rice has proven invaluable for his restraint in involving himself in advanced play, rather conducting the deep build-up. It’s not like Rice hasn’t produced the goods in the final third either, as he is Arsenal’s corner-taker and occasionally has taken the striker spot in Arsenal’s transitions but these occasions have been few and far between.
Give me your hand, reach out, won’t you give me something to die for?
The Franck Ribéry Award: Best Attacker
The television is watching me. I was a born entertainer, you see.
While other awards across the leagues may have had several top contenders, this award may have had the tightest three-way race between not just three world class players, but three of genuinely the best players in the world. Arsenal’s Bukayo Saka and Manchester City’s Phil Foden came this close to sneaking it for me but it’s Foden’s fellow academy graduate and Chelsea superstar Cole Palmer who takes top spot.
The Englishman was… stupid. That’s the only word to describe it. There is unbelievable, there is special, but it gets to a point where you not only don’t believe it, but throw the idea away as preposterous. A player who couldn’t get a game at Manchester City moving club and in his first season at said club, averaging a goal contribution every 80 minutes? That sounds insane, he must have made some great impacts off the bench-
He did what.
Palmer scored 22 and assisted 11 (!!!!!) in 29 starts and four appearances off the bench for a struggling Chelsea side to drag them kicking and clawing into a sixth-place finish. 33 goal contributions in the Premier League is usually enough to guarantee a top ten Ballon d’Or placing in all the media outlets and journalists’ eyes, but Palmer probably won’t get it for something that is paradoxically more impressive: doing it for a club that has struggled heavily throughout the year. Just sheer brilliance.
You should’ve seen me at seventeen, but look at me now, look at me now.
The Owen Hargreaves Award: England’s Player of the Year
When you’re lying in your deathbed, I hope I appear in your head. Baby I’ll be dead by then, burned out by 27.
Technically gifted? Not the most. Smarter than everyone? Not always. Built like a wall or like a dart? No. Despite it all, Manchester City’s Rodri is the giant whose shoulders the entire team sits upon, and there is no team that Rodri is more well suited to be elevated into stardom from.
In Pep Guardiola’s spanning career, he has created many of the top midfields the world has ever seen, but in his latest magic trick, he has proven that a team has no need for a midfield if it has a midfielder like Rodri. Man City play in a structure that essentially commits everyone to attack and a couple of players to defense with Rodri being the only real link between the two structures in all phases of play with some players switching which block they belong to depending on where the ball is.
Simply put, Man City do not work without Rodri. Rodri’s ability to recycle possession, defend spaces, take on players both with and without the ball, general the backline and press, launch attacks with penetrative or switch passes, cover for teammates with his movement as well as the ability to run into areas late and score if City are desperate for a goal show that there may truly be no more complete player in world football.
Oh, you should have killed me when you had the chance.
What do you think of our picks? Is there somebody we missed? Let us know your thoughts in the discussion below.