Michail Antonio losing his passport should really come as no surprise given recent events at West Ham.
Schteve van McLaren revealed in his Jamaica press conference that Mikey was unable to gain entry to the USA because he lost his passport, which is possibly good news for the Hammers—assuming he can gain entry to the UK.
Perhaps Antonio can use his spare British passport and EasyJet his way back to Stansted Airport. At least it will mean he is less jet-lagged and has played one game less.
There is probably something in that bottled Peckham Spring water the West Ham club shop sells because it’s causing the whole squad to be rather forgetful.
Lucas Paqueta was given two additional charges to his FA investigation rap sheet when he failed to produce his mobile phone as evidence. The Brazilian claimed he had lost his phone and couldn’t recall where he’d placed it. Easily done I guess.
Ordinarily, I’d suggest that both phone and passport were down the back of the sofa at the West Ham training ground. However, I’m not sure any tear in the couch upholstery is big enough to hold the huge sum of money the Hammers are set to lose on Niclas Füllkrug, who himself is quite forgetful.
Anyone seen my . . .
The German striker seemed to get a nasty case of transfer amnesia when signing for the club, presumably forgetting Stratford wasn’t in Germany. One would have thought that his good mate Tim Steidten would have had some recollection of Fullkrug’s injury record but perhaps he lost the report on the private jet.
Presumably the former Dortmund striker either forgot to attend the London Stadium with the rest of the Irons squad for the team photograph too, hence the reason he has to be photoshopped in retrospectively.
This nasty strain of forgetfulness is certainly catching too. Aaron Wan-Bissaka has forgotten he’s a right back, Edson Álvarez can’t remember how to stay on the pitch for 90 minutes, and Alphonse Areola seems to have lost his goalkeeping gloves. Poor old Luis Guilherme has probably forgotten what a football looks like whilst Kudus will struggle to recall his way to the stadium by the time his ban ends.
Perhaps Hammers head coach Julen Lopetegui failed to remember that Guido Rodriguez couldn’t run before insisting the club signed the midfielder on a freebie?
Worst of all, Lopetegui can’t seem to recall who he is and quite possibly believes he’s Avram Grant. Perhaps he has lost his tactics board down the back of the sofa too, but he’d better find it sharpish, or he’ll be looking back at a most forgettable stint at West Ham.
