“‘What’s wrong?’ I yelled. ‘We can’t stop here. This is bat country!'”
– Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
It’s been a crazy last couple of news days in Spurs transfer land; but that is nothing compared to the craziness that Bat Country has in store for you. The creeping madness would drive even the most sound of mind to mutterings and delusion. Maybe, just maybe, Spurs can bring in six more players before deadline day? Then you realize where you are, and real eyes realize real lies; by which I mean, this piece is here to help you distinguish fact from fiction.
Here we cover all those rumors on which we normally wouldn’t report. The fringe cases. The names that spring up from untold lands, off the beaten path. We’ll discuss mostly incomings and try and focus on names we haven’t already talked about elsewhere on the site. Each name will be accompanied by a Guano Meter: a ranking out of 5 that instead of rating how likely we think it is to happen, it instead is the complete opposite. For example, a Guano Meter of 5/5 would be something like… Bergvall getting less than 20 starts in the league this season (yep, I’m a believer).
Check out some of the previous editions here, as well as Nathan Bartel’s excellent piece that was the genesis of this series here.
Mason Mount
Guano Meter: 5/5 – See above.
Scott McTominay
Guano Meter: 5/5 – Ditto.
Matty Cash
Guano Meter: 5/5 – Like… do you want to sign a player who would then mysteriously be ruled out for half the season with a broken ankle?
OK, so I’ve maybe gone off my usual structure here so let me just elaborate:
- Mason Mount: Perma-injured, the only journo remotely talking about this is Graeme Bailey.
- Scott McTominay: Why would United sell? Why would Spurs want him? Oh, it’s The Sun.
- Matty Cash: From a dude who is apparently a qualified football scout on Twitter. Yep.
Adrien Rabiot
- Boy, things really don’t get much better, do they?
- How could you forget the man with the momager? Rabiot is a French midfielder whose mother, Veronique, is his manager – and before we move on to Adrien, she is a LOT; she’s verbally abused coaches for benching her son, torpedoed a move to Barcelona by asking for too much money (including for herself), and denigrated members of the French national team to their own families
- Oh, and Adrien Rabiot was once previously linked with Spurs, a move that didn’t go anywhere – perhaps due in part to him reportedly considering Spurs “below him” as a club – so just lovely folks all round, here
- The real question you want answered, though, is could he play the 6 in Angeball?
- Maybe? He’s been in more of a box-to-box role in his time at Juventus, where much of his game has been based around running (which could make him a decent Ange 8), but his passing has suffered as a result; he did operate in a deeper role earlier in his career, but it’s possible he’d struggle with the physicality of the English league in that position
- He’s actually without a club at the moment, as he let his contract run down at Juventus
- Liverpool and Manchester United have been linked; I doubt Spurs would break their wage structure for the Frenchman, and the only links have been flimsy Italian tabloid talk
Guano Meter: 5/5 – Well, this piece is going well.
Mario Hermoso
- Another free agent, Hermoso has recently finished up his contract with Atletico Madrid
- The Spaniard is ostensibly a center back, though has often spent time in a left back role as well
- Hey, doesn’t a hybrid CB / LB sound like something Spurs have been looking at this whole transfer window?
- In some ways, he’d be an excellent fit for Ange-ball – he’s very comfortable on the ball, loves getting forward, and has a killer pass
- In some ways, though, he could struggle in the Premier League; he’s VERY aggressive and loves to dive into tackles. Can you imagine that next to Cristian Romero? It could be FUN
- He’s another who’s been linked with Manchester United, with the links confirmed by Fabrizio Romano
- He was also linked with Napoli, with Antonio Conte’s new club reportedly close to signing the defender – this move has now apparently stalled, with a local Napoli outlet declaring Spurs are lurking “in the background” waiting to sign Hermoso
Guano Meter: 5/5 – It just keeps getting better!
Rico Browne
- Last week, we had a hat-trick of wingers; this week, a hat-trick of free agents!
- Browne is a center back who has come through the youth system at Birmingham City – he recently finished up his time with the age-grade teams and is yet to sign a senior contract with Birmingham
- Look, I don’t know anything about the dude. Birmingham say on their website that he reads the game well and has an excellent passing range, so… maybe? The highest senior level the dude has played though is the sixth tier, while on loan at Rushall; heard of ‘em?
- Fine, here’s a rubbish YouTube highlights vid for your viewing pleasure:
- He looks like a beast, but he also seems pretty clearly more physically developed than the guys he’s playing against – which doesn’t necessarily carry on through to senior level
- Oh, this one’s from Football Insider? At least this one is Wayne Veysey, not SportsPeeto
Guano Meter: 5/5 – Come on. What were you expecting?
That’s it for this installment. We’re in the home stretch now, people! Welcome to Bat Country.
