There are times when the difficulty of the situation hits Steph Houghton with brutal force.
Like, for example, on March 19 this year. The 35-year-old former England captain was on the bench for Manchester City in an FA Cup tie at Aston Villa.
At home was her husband Stephen Darby, the former Liverpool and Bradford City defender who was diagnosed with motor neurone disease just months after they married in 2018.
He, as he always does, had insisted he would be fine on his own, despite the progression of what is a devastating illness.
At full time, Steph switched her phone on. It rang almost instantly. ‘Stephen has had a fall — he’s in the hospital,’ was the panicked message.
Steph Houghton admitted it was ‘hard to take’ being left out of England’s World Cup squad
She said that she had a ‘vague’ conversation with Sarina Wiegman and though didn’t argue her decision, Houghton felt she had done everything asked of her to make the World Cup squad
Houghton has right to feel aggrieved as she had a strong argument to make the squad
‘I was like, “Right, how do I get to there?”’ Houghton explains. ‘You feel so guilty because you’re not there. You’re on a bench in Birmingham and you shouldn’t be.’ Stephen, who had suffered a nasty cut to the back of his head, was patched up. Fortunately, there was no serious damage.
But time together for the couple is precious. This is a disease for which there is no cure, from which a third of those diagnosed succumb within 18 months to two years. It is why they try to cram as many memories as they can into the time they have.
It is also why, when Lionesses manager Sarina Wiegman outlined to Houghton what she needed to do to get into her England squad following an achilles injury, she consulted Stephen first. Her best shot at a rapid recovery was to head to a specialist rehabilitation centre in Crewe, about 40 miles from Manchester.
It would involve long hours away from home, away from Stephen, and so it was a big call. She need not have asked. ‘Do what you need to do,’ she was told. ‘That sums Stephen up,’ says Houghton. ‘That’s the type of person he is.’
So when she put in the graft and recovered in time but was left out of the squad for last year’s European Championship, it hurt. There were tears on the way home from St George’s Park, from where she had to make a sharp exit having been given 30 minutes to depart before the press arrived. But Houghton went back to work.
With a World Cup on the horizon she re-established herself at City and performed well against their main WSL rivals. There was hope when she made Wiegman’s long list but she was ultimately overlooked for a second time by a manager who has not picked her since taking over in 2021. The hurt returned, perhaps edged with anger.
‘I was disappointed because of how much effort I’d put into doing the things I was asked to do which was to get back into the City team, to play well and to play well against the best players,’ says Houghton. ‘I spoke to the manager. She said firstly I need to get back into the team because I’d had a long period of time out.
‘I fought my way back. The next thing was to play well and to keep your shirt. From January on I’ve started every single game bar one. I feel as though I was in form, fit and ready to go. But sometimes it happens that you have a manager that doesn’t see you as part of their plans.’ Sunderland native Houghton, who has won 121 caps for her country, is old enough and wise enough to know when to stop.
Under Wiegman the Lionesses won those Euros. Earlier this week the Dutch coach was presented with a CBE from Prince William. She is bulletproof. But Houghton has a right to feel aggrieved. With injuries biting, including those which will keep influential pair Leah Williamson and Fran Kirby off the plane, she had a strong argument that she deserved a place in the 23-player travelling party — not only on merit but also on experience.
Houghton will write a column during the World Cup in exchange for a donation to a foundation co-founded by husband Stephen (left) after his diagnosis with motor neurone disease
‘The conversation was very vague to be honest,’ Houghton explains, choosing her words carefully. ‘I think that’s what’s hard to take. I felt as though I could have brought something to the squad. I knew what the role would be — I wouldn’t be starting matches but I would have supported the girls one million per cent. I’m team first. But it’s the manager’s decision. I didn’t argue but I did say, “I’ve done everything you’ve asked us to do”.
‘At that moment I think I was done with the whole situation. I’d been fighting with myself for 18 months to prove I can still play at that level. I think I did that but it was pretty clear from that conversation that I won’t be playing for England again.’
Given that assessment, would Houghton be tempted to take matters into her own hands and retire from international football? She is not there yet. ‘All I’ve ever wanted to do is play for my country,’ says Houghton. ‘It’s something I’ll have to think about over the summer. I’d never turn my back on my country but I don’t know if I would put myself under that kind of pressure again.’
Houghton will be writing a column for Mail Sport throughout the World Cup, in exchange for a donation to the Darby Rimmer Foundation, which her husband co-founded following his diagnosis and which has raised more than £1.3million.
Houghton was also left out of the squad that won the European Championships last year
Houghton (left) hopes England follow off their Euros success by winning the World Cup
Despite Houghton’s own experience, she is desperate for the Lionesses to follow up their Euros success, in Australia and New Zealand. ‘I think they have an opportunity to create even more history,’ she says. ‘On current form I think we are favourites. You don’t win a Euros and not be one of the favourites. I know so many of the players and I see how hard they work. I’m desperate for us to do it but it will be tough.’
Instead of heading to Australia, Houghton will go to Ibiza with Stephen. She will make the most of the opportunity.
‘We’re going in a villa with the whole family,’ she says. ‘It’s memories for all of us and it’s the first time I’ve had more than two weeks off. There’ll be challenges, even just getting to the airport. But it won’t stop us doing anything. That’s what we’ve always said. We’ll try to live a normal life for as long as we can.’
To donate to the Darby Rimmer Foundation visit: https://darbyrimmermnd.co.uk/donate/
