“‘What’s wrong?’ I yelled. ‘We can’t stop here. This is bat country!'”
– Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Four naans, Jeremy? Four? That’s insane.
That’s right, it’s a record fourth installment of Dispatches from Bat Country for June. The rumors are heating up, and Spurs still seem no closer to making a signing since securing Timo Werner for a bargain.
But all is not lost!
Rumors abound, and quicker than you can say FFS Levy, the tabloids and ITK merchants will send you down a rabbit-hole of fbref bars and YouTube compilations. Screw all that noise (in the case of the comps, literal noise): let me save you from yourself and Marie Kondo this situation by sparking joy at the mere hope of a ridiculous transfer.
Here we cover all those rumors on which we normally wouldn’t report. The fringe cases. The names that spring up from untold lands, off the beaten path. We’ll discuss mostly incomings and try and focus on names we haven’t already talked about elsewhere on the site. Each name will be accompanied by a Guano Meter: a ranking out of 5 that instead of rating how likely we think it is to happen, it instead is the complete opposite. For example, a Guano Meter of 5/5 would be something like… any of these links ACTUALLY sparking joy. Sorry, I built that up way too much.
Check out some of the previous editions here, as well as Nathan Bartel’s excellent piece that was the genesis of this series here.
Serhou Guirassy
- This is a name we’ve heard before. Guirassy is a 28-year-old Guinean striker who had a breakout season at Stuttgart
- That’s right, a breakout at 28 – that’s not a red flag, is it?
- That said, look at some of the names on this comparison list from fbref… It’s like a who’s who of strikers:
- Seriously though, dude is 28; which isn’t THAT old, but it is when you’ve just literally doubled the production of any previous season across your career – doesn’t exactly scream “reproducible long-term” to me
- He does have good all-round attributes though, and could be a good stop-gap, or rotation option with Richy… depending on what Stuttgart would want as a fee, of course
- Which may not be up to them – there’s talk going around of a £15 million release clause in Guirassy’s contract
- There’s little reporting on this one, with Guirassy another name on Paul O’Keefe’s list of striker targets
- Since then, though, things have been quiet on the Spurs front and it now looks likely that Guirassy might sign with Dortmund
Guano Meter: 4/5 – Would be a roll of the dice, the reporting has gone quiet, and it looks like he’s headed elsewhere. Interest was likely genuine at some point.
Viktor Gyokeres
- Moving on to the other name on O’Keefe’s list, Gyokeres is a slightly younger option at 26, plying his trade at Sporting Lisbon
- He’s Swedish so we should probably sign him for that reason alone. Tottenham Swedespur, here we come! Do your thing, Deki
- You want some bars? I’ll give you some bars:
![](https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/dioyEssenDexLv6BIZUnXMv4QQQ=/0x0:532x626/1200x0/filters:focal(0x0:532x626):no_upscale()/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/25512187/Gyokeres.png)
- Unlike what I’m being paid to write this, that’s a lot of green
- Much like Guirassy, however, the 23/24 season did kind of come out of nowhere – he was solid but unspectacular for Coventry City in the Championship, and it was only on his move to Portugal that Gyokeres’ numbers exploded
- This does feel like less of a roll of the dice than Guirassy though – he’s younger, has experience playing in England, and is probably a slightly more versatile player (and arguably the sort of forward that might work well in Ange’s system)
- As well as O’Keefe’s list, Gyokeres’ name has also been mentioned by Alasdair Gold; but right now the stronger links appear to be with Arsenal
- Do you remember what it was like dealing with Sporting for Pedro Porro? And he didn’t have a rumored €100 million release clause…
Guano Meter: 4/5 – Real interest, stronger links with other clubs, financially difficult. Probably a non-starter (the deal, not the player).
Rayan Cherki
- Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: supremely talented dribbly Lyon midfielder, with rumored attitude and defensive workrate problems
- No, it’s not Tanguy 2.0, it’s Rayan Cherki and God he is so fun
- Do we really want to get on this rollercoaster again, though? Honestly, part of me kinda does
- Seriously though, his passing and dribbling numbers are crazy – he is very fun to watch
- And playing ostensibly on the wing or as an attacking midfielder, maybe the workrate thing isn’t quite as big an issue?
- This one is from Graeme Bailey, whose record is rather sketchy – and there’s not a lot of backup by other sources
- He only has one year left on his contract, and the sheer volume of clubs linked indicates a lot of this is agent talk
Guano Meter: 5/5 – Not enough smoke, and with his contract where it is we would have probably already snapped him up if we were genuinely interested.
Rav van den Berg
- Young Dutch (surprise, surprise) defender, currently at Middlesbrough
- Dude is only 19, and played big minutes in the Championship last season
- We know Spurs are looking at a versatile center back / fullback hybrid – and van den Berg is capable both in the center and on the right side of the defense
- Is he any good though? Hard to say. The numbers don’t look especially enchanting, but he’s very young and I can’t exactly say I’ve watched him. It’s possible he’s a low-risk, high-ceiling option
- He has good aerial numbers at least, which coming from the Championship isn’t nothing; and something Spurs are sorely lacking
- There’s some decent smoke on this one – Gold has said we have scouted him, and a couple of beat reporters have said we’ve included him on a long-list – so not a definitive priority target but definitely somebody Spurs are keeping tabs on
Guano Meter: 3/5 – Real interest, and unlike some of the above links, a transfer is financially viable. Maybe?
Koki Machida
- Another week, another link to a Japanese player for Ange’s side
- Interestingly enough, however, the ties don’t stop there – Machida is a CAA Base client, a player agency that has a strong relationship with Spurs going back a few years now
- He’s a left-sided center back, and probably pre-peak age for that position at 26
- He’s another who is apparently good in the air
- It’s not just aerials that are a positive, though: his numbers on the ball are intriguing, with very good progressive pass and carry numbers, indicating a potential good fit with Ange-ball
- The excitement will probably wane when I mention he’s playing for Union SG in the Belgian league – not exactly the highest quality of competitions
- Spurs were linked to Machida back around the January window; the new links come from a Belgian outlet called Walfoot, who… don’t look especially legit
- In fact, there’s more concrete links with other clubs (Crystal Palace, in this case) – and even those aren’t especially ironclad… is that a mixed metaphor?
Guano Meter: 4/5 – The only reason this isn’t a 5/5 is that some of the earlier links did have a bit more merit to them… so maybe we were interested at some point?
Jean-Clair Todibo
- Hey, this name sounds familiar…
- That’s because Spurs were heavily linked to the Nice center back in January; that’s not a comment on his character by the way, he just plays for a French club
- Spurs pivoted to Radu Dragusin though after negotiations with Nice proved difficult; after signing Dragusin, would Spurs go back there again?
- According to Nice-Matin, a local daily, yes, Spurs would
- The French outlet is adamant that Tottenham have not “forgotten about” Todibo, and are still keen on him
- He’d be a good fit, too, being excellent on the ball
- It does feel like Spurs are after a left-sided CB or a more versatile defender, and Todibo is right-footed and solely a center back – it doesn’t mean much, but it’s not nothing either
Guano Meter: 4/5 – Look, Spurs were definitely interested, but it feels like that ship has sailed until we see some other sources pick this one up. Plus other clubs are now in the frame.
That’s it for this installment. Another week, another month, another six names, and another round of dreams. Welcome to Bat Country.