Bayern Munich want to make Harry Kane one of the most expensive players not to win a single thing, but Chelsea are masters of the lavish, trophyless signing.
Spurs will reject a second offer from the Bundesliga giants worth £70m plus add-ons for Kane, who has indeed not won a single trophy in a quite ridiculous career.
It would take a bid worthy of topping this list even just to tempt Daniel Levy to the negotiating table, at which point the fun truly begins.
This lot did not possess a single winner’s medal between them at the time they were signed for huge fees, regardless of what they went on to achieve in their careers. And we mean not a single winner’s medal: Jack Grealish (£100m) is discounted because of the play-offs and Toulon Tournament, Harry Maguire (£80m) due to the play-offs, and both Victor Osimhen (£72m) and Kepa Arrizabalaga (£71.6m) on the basis of youth international tournament silverware.
When we say f*** all, we mean f*** all.
10) Eder Militao – £43.5m
Having joined Porto three days after their 2018 Portuguese Super Cup victory, Eder Militao might have expected the trophies to roll in soon thereafter. But the Dragons did Michael Ballack proud by finishing as runners-up in the league and both domestic cups.
That was still more than enough to impress Real Madrid, who announced the capture of Militao little over seven months after he moved to Europe from Sao Paulo. The deal was confirmed in March 2019 but completed in July, about a week before the centre-half made a cameo appearance in Brazil’s Copa America final victory over Peru.
9) Anthony Martial – £44.7m
Never mind win a trophy, Martial had barely started a professional match at senior level when Man Utd made him the most expensive teenage footballer in history. Javier Hernandez, Adnan Januzaj, Robin van Persie and Radamel Falcao had all departed Old Trafford and there was an attacking gap to fill.
In his eternal wisdom, Ed Woodward bet the house on Martial with a fee the club’s own manager publicly described as “ridiculous”. A delightful debut goal against Liverpool immediately repaid some of what was a £57.6m package put down for a player who had made 74 senior career appearances, even if Man Utd only ultimately paid £44.7m for a mutually unsatisfactory eight years.
Nah come on now, did we do something wrong, why is Saudi Arabia interested in everyone’s dead wood but ours
We have a perfectly good Anthony Martial right there https://t.co/aXqFNbcZRL
— Casey Evans (@Casey_Evans_) July 3, 2023
8) Aaron Wan-Bissaka – £45m
It was a similar story for Wan-Bissaka, whose only full season at Crystal Palace coincided with the managerial ascent of Ole Gunnar Solskjaer and a subsequent desperation to rebuild Man Utd in the only image the Norwegian knew: Sir Alex Ferguson’s. Daniel James was the nippy Welsh winger and Harry Maguire the battle-hardened English centre-half captain, with Wan-Bissaka completing the set as a Wish version of Gary Neville.
Wan-Bissaka had emerged as a force of nature at Selhurst Park, telescopically slide-tackling his way to the 2019 Palace Player of the Year award and four Player of the Month gongs. But those 46 appearances for the Eagles have understandably not translated to resounding success at a higher level.
7) Ben Chilwell – £45m
“The guys that have come in are all top guys. Brilliant footballers, everyone can see that, but around the training ground they all have a good attitude and want to get involved, which is so important,” said Chilwell of his many, many new Chelsea teammates in March. “We had it at Leicester the year we won the league where everyone was so together. It was such a good group, which is the same as what we’ve got now.”
The royal ‘we’ had been executed seamlessly by a left-back whose only three Leicester appearances in the 2015/16 season were in the domestic cups, none of which ended in victory. Chilwell was on the bench for nine Premier League games and spent much of the rest of his first campaign as a professional on loan at Huddersfield, rather foolishly joining Chelsea in the season they lost the FA Cup final to the Foxes.
6) John Stones – £47.5m
Everton supporters deeply enjoyed spending the 2015/16 season reminding Chelsea that money can’t buy you Stones, the Blues having had three bids of £20m, £26m and £30m rejected in a desperate summer centre-half dash which ended with Papy Djilobodji and Michael Hector moving to Stamford Bridge.
The speculation even forced Stones to accidentally hand in a transfer request which was eventually fulfilled when Manchester City disproved the overwhelming fan theory by making him the world’s second most expensive defender ever. It seemed like a ludicrous fee at the time and remains so seven years on, albeit for entirely different reasons.
5) Raheem Sterling – £49m
“It’s not about the money at all,” Sterling calmly said as he spoke directly into a media storm forecast by that controversial interview with the BBC in April 2015. “Never once in my life has it been about money. I talk about winning trophies throughout my career. I don’t talk about how many cars I’m going to drive or how many houses I’ve got. I just purely want to be the best I can be.”
Oh sweet, innocent, naive, brilliant, humble Raheem. He wished not “to be perceived as a money-grabbing 20-year-old” but the die was cast and minds had long since been made up.
Sterling could not have had his decision to leave Liverpool that summer more thoroughly vindicated, of course. Eleven trophies followed in seven seasons with Manchester City, having been a part of one title collapse and two cup semi-finals in half a decade at Anfield.
4) Marc Cucurella – £55m
In five seasons as a regular starter, Cucurella finished 20th with Barcelona B in 2017/18, 12th with Eibar in 2018/19, 8th and 15th with Getafe in 2019/20 and 2020/21 and 9th with Brighton in 2021/22. Perhaps Chelsea were just trying to help the Spaniard feel at home by coming 12th in 2022/23.
It has been a disastrous move thus far, in which Cucurella has had more Chelsea managers than good Chelsea performances. If Mauricio Pochettino can come close to triggering the extra payment of £7m in add-ons he will have secured his finest career achievement. No wonder they are ‘desperate’ to offload to Tottenham. That’ll boost those trophy chances.
Tottenham are interested in Chelsea’s Marc Cucurella
3) Tanguy Ndombele – £55.4m
Speaking of which, Tottenham’s club-record signing had to temporarily leave north London so that he could collect his first honour. After watching the 2021 League Cup final defeat to Manchester City from the bench as an unused substitute, Ndombele popped down to Napoli to play 30 times as they won their first Scudetto in more than three decades.
The Frenchman is back and reporting for duty under Ange Postecoglou, who is “pleased to have him here and part of the group” for now at least.
READ MORE: Listing all 99 major trophies won by players who have left Spurs empty-handed since 2008
2) Kai Havertz – £71m
With a suitcase full of individual honours after rewriting most Bundesliga records which started with the phrase ‘the youngest ever’, a 21-year-old Havertz rocked up at Chelsea already 150 games deep into his professional career. But the German quite imprudently chose to break through at Bayer Leverkusen, whose most recent of three trophies came in the 1993 DFB-Pokal, a whole six years before Havertz was born.
The forward did make up for that with the winning goals in the Champions League and Club World Cup finals of 2021 to crown Chelsea champions of continent and globe, the hope being that more glory will follow him to Arsenal.
1) Nicolas Pepe – £72m
Not likely to be part of that particular process is Pepe. The forward scored in Mikel Arteta’s first win in charge, while assisting Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang’s winning goal in the 2020 FA Cup final. But there is no longer room for a player who remains the Gunners’ most expensive for now.
Declan Rice will soon replace him as the holder of that title, with a Europa Conference League winner’s medal in his hand luggage. Pepe had no such silverware from his spells with Poitiers, Angers or Lille when Arsenal ill-advisedly spent a fortune on him.
