Behind every successful man, as the saying goes, there’s a strong woman. But while England manager Gareth Southgate has been lavish in his praise of wife Alison, she’s not the only influential lady in his life.
For when it comes to his decency, honesty and kindness — not qualities associated with every footballing figure — it is 53-year-old Southgate’s much-loved but no-nonsense mother, Barbara, he can thank.
Young star Gareth Southgate collects a football trophy in the Crawley area of West Sussex
Barbara worked as a dinner lady at Pound Hill Middle School in Crawley, where Katie Hind was a pupil
Gareth’s childhood home. Katie would see Barbara most mornings, out with a shopping bag and a big smile as she walked to class in Crawley
Proud Gareth (circled) holds his individual trophy with the rest of his under-12 teammates in the town
When he married Alison, a former air hostess, in 1997, they chose St Nicholas’s Church, a short distance from his family home
A pillar of the community in the Sussex town of Crawley, where he grew up, Barbara was often seen on the touchline as Gareth learned his trade on Sunday mornings.
But though she has always been a dedicated mum, Barbara also had a stricter side. And I should know, because she worked as a dinner lady at Pound Hill Middle School, where I was a pupil. Gareth had been there, too, but ten years earlier.
I would see Barbara most mornings, out with a shopping bag and a big smile as I walked to class.
But she certainly wasn’t averse to reprimanding those of us who pushed our luck in the playground.
I still giggle with friends as we recall the days when there were six or seven pupils lined up in disgrace for disobeying Mrs Southgate or being ‘lippy’ to her.
Barbara was also a classroom assistant and worked with children who were struggling personally or academically. She did so with compassion.
He went on to become England manager and is leading the team into the European Championship, which starts today
He took the team into the semi-final of the 2018 World Cup, where they lost against Croatia
I was 11 when I heard her tell one troubled pupil that her son had found tickets for him to watch Crystal Palace, Southgate’s first professional club.
That boy’s smile is something I’ll never forget. And it was Barbara who ensured that, despite his new-found riches as a player, Southgate remained in touch with his roots.
I remember her dragging him along to Pound Hill’s Summer Fair, where he was mobbed by my classmates who wanted a photo or an autograph.
While not yet a household name, Gareth — as we still called him — was a superstar to us.
He even agreed to take part in a rounders game, though he was caught out straight away.
Friends say that the England manager had a ‘happy, happy’ childhood growing up in a four-bedroom, semi-detached house with Barbara, father Clive, who worked for computer giant IBM, and sister, Claire.
His father was involved with Crawley Athletics club where Claire, a netball player and high-jump specialist, spent much of her spare time.
Southgate was also a member of the 4th Worth Scouts. ‘Gareth would always get stuck into what he did,’ a member of the troop recalls.
‘He was really nice back then, just like he seems to be now.
‘He was always the one of us with the most Scout badges. He had tons of them.’
When Gareth married Alison, a former air stewardess, in 1997, they chose St Nicholas’s Church, a short distance from his family home. Crowds of locals turned up to show their support.
I was there and the pavement was so packed you’d have thought Take That were in town.
Barbara’s influence is thought to be behind her son’s dress sense and natty wardrobe, too.
When he started as England manager in 2016, he became known for a £65 Marks & Spencer waistcoat, which he combined with crisp shirts and a tie.
There was a different, more relaxed style on view at the last Euros in 2021, when Southgate wore an array of polo shirts and shackets — a cross between a shirt and a jacket — by British label, Percival.
And this time, his ‘look’ will be based on rather expensive knitwear. Showcased in GQ magazine this month, the new collection includes a £3,325 cream cardigan and £620 linen twill trousers, both from Loro Piana — an Italian brand worn by David Beckham.
But then, clothes are a longstanding interest for him.
Classmates from four decades ago remember him as Form 3B’s best-dressed pupil, and how he would wear tie at Pound Hill, even though it was not a school rule to do so.
But it was Southgate’s kindness at school and single-minded dedication to football that stand out for most fellow pupils.
One of them, Georgina MacKenzie — who was in his class from 1977 to 1982 — says he had no time for romantic dalliances.
‘He did have the odd girl who fancied him, but he was too into his sport to care,’ she recalls.
‘He would be playing football in the playground constantly during breaks. He was a fanatic. He wasn’t into girls then.
‘He had a small group of friends, a gang of boys he stuck around with. He was very kind to everyone in the class although he was very determined, even back then.’
For all Southgate’s abilities on the pitch as player and manager he is still best known for those human strengths, including the respect he commands with the public and the England team.
When squad members arrived at their hotel in Germany for the Euros, which kick off tonight, they found a welcome pack including individually selected sweets and handwritten notes from their families — a typical Southgate touch.
After Pound Hill, Southgate attended his local comprehensive school, Hazelwick, where the motto on his blazer was ‘effort achieves’. It was there, aged 16, that he was asked to make a choice between football and academic studies.
Crystal Palace wanted to put Southgate on their books, but his teachers had other ideas and tried to persuade him to turn the offer down. They failed.
Later, when the 1996 Euros came to Wembley, Southgate organised tickets for staff at his former school, including his old form teacher.
‘He was so clever,’ she said at the time, clearly disappointed that he hadn’t continued to A-level.
Today, a multi-millionaire, Gareth Southgate remains a private, cerebral man, preferring to live quietly in the Yorkshire countryside with Alison, 57, daughter Mia, 23, 18-year-old son Flynn and two dogs, a Labrador and a cockapoo named Ted.
Alison is besotted with them and Southgate jokes that the dogs sit above him in the family pecking order.
Southgate once said he’d ‘never been any good at gambling, drinking, fighting, tantrums, celebrity’. Instead, he has spent his money on a Grade I-listed 16th-century mansion with a great hall, wine cellar and cinema room.
Southgate enjoys small family gatherings at Bettys in nearby Harrogate, where his favourite treat is a £4.25 Yorkshire Fat Rascal Scone.
He is also keen on the local fish and chip shop, the Wetherby Whaler.
And what of his mum Barbara? Now in her 80s, will she be watching as England take on Serbia in their first fixture of the tournament?
Almost certainly so. She has always followed his career closely and was very much on the ball when her son missed a penalty in the 1996 Euro semi-finals — condemning England to defeat against Germany — and famously claimed at the time he should just have ‘whacked it’.
These days Barbara keeps a low profile, however, and is said still to be rather haunted by the publicity from all those years ago.
Let’s hope, for her sake and ours, her son can dispel such unfortunate memories, prove that his old school motto, ‘effort achieves’, is true — and lead England to victory in the Euros. Their first match is on Sunday night.
