OK, that Brighton match sucked butt and we all agree on that part, right? Yeah. It did. As much as the first half was great, watching Spurs fart away a two goal lead in the second half was mind-blowingly awful and I’d never like to see that again anytime soon, thank you very much. And now we have a full two week international break to stew about it.
The recent discourse about Brennan Johnson and Timo Werner got me thinking this week about all the polarizing players we’ve had at Tottenham Hotspur in the time since I started following the club in 2007. There have been so many of them over the years — guys who split the fanbase down the middle into supporters and detractors. They were the ones with perhaps the perception of a poor attitude, but maybe not? Or maybe they were limited players who did some good things but put in a lot more middling to crap shifts.
With Ryan Mason, one of the poster boys for polarizing Spurs players, ready to leave the club to take his first heading coaching position at Anderlecht, I thought it was a good time to distract everyone from a shit Tottenham performance into something we can talk about. Sure, we’re reminiscing about past internet arguments, but is that better than arguing about how Spurs were crap on Sunday? I think it is.
These ratings are in order from least polarizing to most polarizing. You can argue about that too.
Here are your Tottenham Hotspur player ratings to the theme of Polarizing Spurs Players in the Premier League era. There are plenty more than what’s on this list, so talk about them in the comments. And let us never mention this second half performance ever again.
5 stars: Roberto Soldado
God. Bobby Soldier. He was the chosen one! He was supposed to UNITE the fanbase, not leave it in darkness! Seriously, there never was a more slam-dunk perfectly outstanding striker signing, and instead of being Tottenham’s great savior he was… not. God love him, though — he was so distraught by his failure to launch and it was like watching a puppy get kicked every time one of his shots caromed off the post. As much as the fanbase was annoyed by his failure to put balls into the net, he had equal amounts of sympathy because the guy tried SO DAMN HARD and it just would not happen for him. Probably the most sympathetic polarizing Spurs player in history.
No players in this category.
4.5 stars: Ryan Mason
Ryan Mason was the original Local Boy Comes Good, one of the first players (along with Harry Kane) to come out of the academy into the first team post-Ledley King with promises of being a lifer. Didn’t pan out that way. As a player, Mason was a try-hard who just didn’t quite have the juice, and was the first in a string of academy grad midfielders who pissed off the Carty Free masthead on the regular. Has reclaimed his image via his traumatic head injury, subsequent retirement, and move into management, where he looks like he could be a very good coach.
No players in this category.
4 stars: Nacer Chadli
Oh man. Nacer Chadli, aka “The Dolphin”, aka “Passer Badly” (on this site). Probably more polarizing on this blog than he was anywhere else in Tottenham fandom. The masthead was so, so frustrated with him while he was here, but he had this incredible penchant for playing like dogshit for 85 minutes and then popping up in the box for an incredible goal. I think fans liked him mostly because he scored a lot, and… y’know, fair enough I suppose.
Brennan Johnson (Community — 3.5): What can you say? Scored his sixth goal in six matches and could’ve had another one if Timo’s first minute cross wasn’t slightly too far ahead of him. Disappeared along with all service to him in the second half, but you can’t argue with what he’s doing right now.
3.5 stars: Harry Winks
The Winks Wars are still fresh in the community memory, so I’ll keep this one brief — he was Tottenham through and through, had a couple of incredible performances (including the Real Madrid match), but otherwise was completely out of his depth at Tottenham’s level. COYS to the core, though, at least until he was trying to angle his way out of the club.
Dejan Kulusevski (Community — 3.0): One of Spurs’ best players on the day, especially in the first half. Was starved for service in the second and looked shell-shocked as Brighton got back into the match.
Dominic Solanke (Community — 3.0): God, he was so good in that first half, pressing like a monster, setting up balls and chances for his teammates, and being a general nuisance in Brighton’s final third. Second half he barely touched the ball because Spurs couldn’t get out of their own half.
3 stars – Heurelho Gomes
Depending on who you talk to, Gomes was either one of the best Tottenham keepers since Ian Walker, or a flappy-handed Brazilian gaffe machine who let in a howler for every reflex save he made. He was both — unstoppable on his worst day and mind-meltingly dumb on his worst day. But the one thing you could say was that he was definitely entertaining. And turned out to be a pretty good dude in the end, too.
Guglielmo Vicario (Community — 3.0): Made a couple of good saves, but I don’t think he had any chance on any of Brighton’s three goals.
James Maddison (Community — 3.0): IDK, he was quite good in the first half, playing a role in both of Spurs’ goals (though Verbruggen should’ve saved his goal) and then like the rest of the team just disappeared into the ether in the second 45.
Timo Werner (Community — 2.5): Put the early cross too far in front of Johnson for the first minute chance, but generally looked pretty good in the first half as he made Veltman look like a statue. That inconsistent final ball is still a thing, but likely will be as long as he’s here. Like the rest of Spurs’ attackers, was completely absent in the second half.
2.5 stars: The Two Gios (Lo Celso / Dos Santos)
Have we ever had a non-polarizing Guy Named Gio on Tottenham’s team? I can’t think of one. The two most polarizing were clearly Lo Celso and Dos Santos, and for different reasons. Lo Celso was due to his penchant for getting injured all the time and for only seeming to show up for Argentina games. Dos Santos was rarely played by Harry Redknapp (despite fan howls) and was known as a dismissive locker room character and a major, major club-hopping party boy. Neither lived up to their promise.
Pedro Porro (Community — 2.5): Probably the best player on Spurs’ back line vs. Brighton and it’s not like he was especially great. Gave Mitoma way, way too much space on his flank and got bypassed regularly. Mitoma’s a load, but he’s defended better players more effectively. Decent going forward in the first half, at least.
2 stars: Jermain Jenas
Jenas may now be primarily known as a football pundit (at least until he got caught sexting people and got canned by BBC) but back in the day he was a highly polarizing Tottenham player who people either loved or despised. This classic YouTube video from 2010 made by the GOAT Spurs blogger Spooky pretty much sums up my feelings about his Spurs tenure. Those who know, know.
Cuti Romero (Community — 2.0): I don’t know what’s going on with Cuti, but he has been weirdly bad at points this season. There’s really no reason he should’ve let Dat Guy Welbz get past him as easily and often as he did. It’s like he switches off at points, or his OS hits a memory fault or SOMETHING. But it’s bad and I’d like him to stop doing it.
Micky van de Ven (Community — 2.5): Look, all players have bad games, and Micky’s been one of our most consisted performers this season. That said, this match was just awful — got skinned several times, completely lost in both of Brighton’s first two goals, and looked lost.
Destiny Udogie (Community — 1.5): Young players are expected to be inconsistent, and this is one of those games where he just didn’t have it. Flubbed the clearance on Brighton’s first goal, didn’t close down Ritter for the second, and got nutmegged in the buildup for the third. Just a truly historically poor match. I feel for him. It was real bad.
Rodrigo Bentancur (Community — 2.5): I understand that we want to maximize Lolo as much as possible before his eventual multiple match suspension, but he was the wrong choice for this match. Struggled mightily with Brighton’s midfield press, and looked like he gave up midway through the second half.
Ange Postecolgou (Community — 2.0): Is this a little low? Perhaps, but I’m still mad at Ange for not being proactive with his subbing in order, as he admitted post-mach, to make a point. Maybe making more timely subs wouldn’t have made a difference, but we’ll never know now, will we?
1 star: Tanguy Ndombele
I mean, there’s no other choice for this category, is there? There have been a lot of polarizing players over the past 20 years or so but I don’t think I’ve ever seen one that so thoroughly divided opinion, or cause a significant split in the fanbase both pro- and anti-, as Tanguy. He’s good! No, he’s shit! No, he’s been marginalized! No he hasn’t! He’s lazy! No, he’s adjusting! I’m glad he’s gone if only because now I don’t have to moderate article comment sections about him anymore. Apart from this one, I guess.
No Tottenham players were as bad as… ok, never mind, I’m not starting anything.
Benoit Assou-Ekotto Memorial Non-Rating
All the subs go here because they didn’t come on with nearly enough time to actually make an impact on the match. Thanks, Ange. (Yves Bissouma, Pape Sarr, Mikey Moore)
