Arsenal are supposedly interested in taking Real Madrid playmaker Arda Guler on loan, as they did with Martin Odegaard, and we wondered which player each Premier League club would end up with if they just copied their most fruitful strategy exactly…
Arsenal: Arda Guler (Real Madrid)
Feels like this would be more of a coup as Arda Guler is hot property while most expected Odegaard to be a bit of a flop. In truth, he became Edu’s finest hour.
Aston Villa: Neto (Arsenal)
Hey, we didn’t think Emi Martinez would win two Yashin Trophies on the bounce either.
Bournemouth: Rob Dickie (Bristol City)
Antoine Semenyo was Bristol City’s second-most valuable asset (£8m) after Alex Scott (£17m), who Bournemouth also poached soon after the winger, and centre-back Dickie is currently the Championship club’s second-most valuable asset. Unfortunately not nearly as valuable at £2m.
Brentford: Thierno Balde (Troyes)
A 22-year-old right-back who came through the PSG academy and despite a terrible run of injuries over the last couple of seasons, is the most highly valued player (£2m) at second-tier Troyes, like Bryan Mbeumo ahead of his move to the Gtech five years ago.
Brighton: Yan Matheus (Yokohama F Marinos)
Googling which of Kawasaki Frontale’s players are currently doing a university thesis on dribbling yielded no results, so we instead selected Yan Matheus as we assume Brighton, like aficionado Kauro Mitoma, would be fond of the player who has completed the most dribbles (132).
Chelsea: Oscar Bobb (Manchester City)
They literally tried to sign The Next Cole Palmer from Manchester City in the summer.
Crystal Palace: Dennis Kirkin (Sunderland)
Eberechi Eze was the player with the third-highest WhoScored rating in the Championship, behind Said Benrahma and Matheus Pereira, before his transfer to Crystal Palace. Kirkin is currently third behind Alfie Doughty and Harrison Burrows.
Everton: Luca Koleosho (Burnley)
A winger signed from Burnley after relegation to the Championship, much like Dwight McNeil. One we could genuinely see happening.
Fulham: Paul Dummett (Wigan)
We would be a bit surprised if the 33-year-old is being linked with a £40m move to Liverpool in four years’ time.
Ipswich: Reigan Heskey (Manchester City U21)
Quite a bit younger than Liam Delap when he made the switch to Portman Road, but 16-year-old son of Emile scored a hat-trick and claimed an assist having come on at half-time against Norwich in just his second appearance.
Leicester: Ronan Coughlan (Fleetwood Town)
140 Premier League goals incoming.
Liverpool: Christian Pulisic (AC Milan)
Right winger who flops at Chelsea moves to Serie A and rediscovers his groove.
Manchester City: Viktor Gyokeres (Sporting)
Why have one Goalbot-3000 when you can have two?
Manchester United: Pedro Goncalves (Sporting)
Bought by Sporting to replace Bruno Fernandes and if anything he’s outstripped the Red Devils captain while playing under the new Red Devils manager.
Newcastle: Rayan Cherki (Lyon)
The Magpies are very reasonably concerned that the last Lyon star they bought is about to be the solution to Manchester City’s midfield problem.
Nottingham Forest: Breno Bidon (Corinthians)
Arsenal are among the Big Boys credited with interest in the teenage midfielder, who can expect to use Nottingham Forest as a stepping stone.
READ MORE: Ten Small 12 Premier League stars catching Big Eight eyes in 2024/2025
Southampton: Jahmai Simpson-Pusey (Manchester City)
Roy Keane has three more daughters.
Tottenham: Florian Wirtz (Bayer Leverkusen)
Spurs have neither the capital nor the status to land him but he should perhaps reconsider his inevitable move to Manchester City given the last most highly valued Leverkusen star has managed 252 goal contributions for Tottenham.
West Ham: Mohamed Belloumi (Hull City)
Hull City’s best player, as Jarrod Bowen was before he moved to the Hammers. But unlike Bowen, Belloumi was not taught history by my mother in Leominster, Herefordshire. To the best of my knowledge, at least.
Wolves: Himad Abdelli (Angers)
An Algerian international set to be the ‘first signing’ of the next Manchester United manager (or maybe the one after that) in three years’ time.
